I used to picture a picture. A picture where someone's blowing the candles and enjoying every moment there is. The last time i remembered doing the same thing was when i was still young.As i get older, i didnt get to do that much often. Now the twenty me, get surprises and presents and already im close to tears because its been far too long i've experience this kind of thing, esp cutting cakes and to get surprises on your special day not once but thrice is so overwhelming already. I havnt get my twin sister her birthday present, yet she's already bought me this bag and i feel guilty because of the price. I think i know what i should get now. It doesnt matter that my family didnt celebrate my own birthday,because i understand the real reason behind it, what matters is that i know im always in their prayer every single day.

And its already been decided by Allah SWT that they will be flying off to perform their rukun islam yang ke lima next month. Alhamdulilah. There's this sadness inside of me that wish i could tagged along.. but i got to understand that its a place of worship.. when the time comes, it comes. Hopefully.

And to tell the truth,the letter of confirmation came on my birthday. :)

I tend to think alot, about what should have been said, about what should have been done.Often, you will find me staring into spaces but that's just me. I dont like to show my sadness and i tried not to break down in front of any beings that i know of simply cos i realized, it doesnt get better.When you see those tears in my eyes, that's when you know i really cant keep up with the facade any longer.Im not someone who opens up easily to people but when i do, its because i trust you. I dont know how to be a good friend but i promise i will be there like how a friend should be.

Sometimes, my actions, my sayings, my words, can be really unpredictable but that's when i really really meant what was said. I am surrounded with beautiful souls but at times, i prefer being alone.I am hard to read, like a plain old boring novel with a one word tittle on that front cover. This what makes most people gave up on knowing the real me. Im trying to be a better muslimah insyaAllah yet im still far from behind. This just me; ▶Nur Khalidah Jasmani◀;

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